GI Joe: Retaliation (3D)

  • Year:2013
  • Rating:PG
  • Director:Jon M. Chu
  • Cast:RZA , D. J. Cotrona, Dwayne Johnson, Byung-hun Lee, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Ray Stevenson, Channing Tatum, Bruce Willis
  • Release Date:March 28, 2013
  • Distributor:Paramount
  • Running time:99 minutes
  • Film Worth:$5.00
  • FILMINK rates movies out of $20 - the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth

The star cast can’t transcend all the flaws of the lazy, hollow script or the embarrassingly tame action sequences.

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For all the mega-money, easily-digestible blockbuster action franchises out there, none may better express the critical, “you-best-know-what-to-expect” cynicism than G.I. Joe. Commencing with the underwhelming The Rise of Cobra in 2009, continuing with this year’s incredibly unnecessary and lazily-titled Retaliation, and an ending that assures there is more to come, the franchise – and this sequel in particular – has become the reluctant stalwart of plotless filmmaking, soulless characters and a humourless script.

When Cobra Commander escapes from maximum-security with plans of world domination, it’s up to Duke (Channing Tatum), Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) and the rest of the Joes to restore order. When it is revealed that Cobra’s plan includes employing master of disguise Zartan to pose as the President (Jonathan Pryce), the soldiers call upon the help of the original Joe himself (Bruce Willis) for a bit of old-school ass kicking.

An all-star action cast – who actually do the best they can with the bare minimum on offer – can’t mask this film’s many flaws. Any attempts to build character through personal tragedy or prior hardships are treated with all the subtlety and caution of The Rock drink-driving in an army tank with a blindfold on. Not unlike a child playing with more toys than he can manage, the film never refutes an opportunity to throw a new character into the mix, and the outcome is an irreparable mess of individuals squeezed into an already convoluted story.

So often, the saving grace of films like these is the strong action, but even that has been diluted to PG-13 status. For a hundred minute film that features guns and samurai swords almost as much as the people who wield them, not a single drop of blood is spilt, leaving a cop-out aftertaste and making GI Joe: Retaliation look increasingly like a straight-to-video endeavour poorly disguised as a mainstream release. There are sure to be many more clunkers in 2013…but it’s never nice to be the first.

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